Four Common Stages of a Swinger Dating Hookup

Mar 05, 2023

Dating in the swinger world is amazing because everyone knows what is being negotiated. There are no assumptions about permanence or commitment, just the hope that you might be the right couple for them to have a fun fling with. Here are the tried and true stages of dating in the world of swinging. This will set the stage for you to have some of the most exciting sex you may ever have!

Stage 1: The Meet and Greet

When you meet online, the meet and greet (or M & G in short form) is typically where you decide to meet up in a neutral place that allows you to visually confirm who you are and see if there is chemistry between the four of you. Certainly, while this stage may move into other stages of intimacy on the same night, it doesn’t often go that way if the meeting is set up as an M & G. Many have worked out that they meet at a vanilla bar for a drink. If that goes well, they may go to a club. The main purpose of the drink, though, is to see if there is chemistry between all four parties. That would mean that the women like each other enough to trust them, the men like each other enough to trust them, and, more importantly, that the men like each other’s wives enough to have sex with them (and the same, of course, for the wives and the other husbands). It’s called a four-way connection, and an M & G will establish that connection if it can be created. There is debate on the frequency of a great four-way connection. I can say for sure that it is less than once every three times. The odds are not there. People are coupled in all kinds of ways, so unless the two couples are similar in age, weight, height, proportions, education, culture, philosophy, and sense of humor, it can be hit or miss. 

Stage 2: Connection Confirmation 

The date is when the four of you agree to go out again. You are likely going out for dinner this time, and the ladies will probably be dressed up. Alternatively, there may be a group sailing or boating activity or possibly attending a concert or outdoor activity of some kind. The purpose of this second date is to confirm that there is attraction between the two couples and to create some additional chemistry through the proximity of the two opposite pairs. The idea of spending time with each other in the presence of your spouse will be exciting for some, and it allows everyone to get more comfortable with each other. If there is a dance floor or another opportunity, then the couples will likely engage in some close dancing and possibly kissing or touching each other. During the evening, it will be determined if the evening will go on or if they may stop early and make plans for a future date where a sexual encounter can be planned. It does often happen that the second or third date will be where the first sexual encounter occurs. The exception is, of course, cruises or swinger events and parties where there is a greater tendency to move forward more quickly. Sometimes,n couples are more clear about their expectations and want to have a sexual encounter on the first meeting.

Stage 3: Showtime

It is generally accepted that the third encounter is going to be sexual unless the four of you have decided to literally be buddies which happens often. The most natural firstexperience I ever had was on a cruise where after many days we finally had everyone agree to go to the ship’s playroom in the lower floor of the ship. There were curtained off beds everywhere and we were required to completely disrobe and take a towel into the playroom. Our “host” finally got us to stop chatting like children and start. We as a foursome had much in common and the ladies were very chatty. We started making outwith our spouses on the same bed and then gradually there became some gentle caresses and kissing that allowed us to separate from each other and make our way to the other partner. It was a tremendously gentle experience because we started our veryfamiliar partners and the exchange progressed very naturally. Of course, you may be invited to go on separate beds with your new friend right away or even go to separate rooms. Generally, the accepted convention is to do what feels best to the newestmember or the most “scared” member of the group. The more experienced couple will always agree to what makes the most timid person happy. 

Stage 4: Reclaiming, Rinse, and Repeat ... or Not

Sometimes there is no stage 4, but often, the relationship continues through email, and other experiences are arranged in the future. These experiences are often much easier because there is less of an unknown element, and the advantage of being already comfortable with that couple has been established. It is often appreciated to leave a resounding positive validation on their profiles, which makes it easier to attract more potential companions in the future. Stage 4 also involves a longer discussion with the couple about their experience. They want to know, in most cases, what they liked, what they didn't like, what they saw, and, of course, the obligatory comparison of penis size and width. It is at this point that they decide potentially if they want to see that couple again either immediately or in the future. Of course, stage 4 also involves the very satisfying reclaiming of each other, which usually involves an orgasm of tremendous significance for the man. Studies have shown that men will enjoy stronger or even much stronger orgasms after watching their wife experience and announce her pleasure when being sexually satisfied by another man. Much of this über orgasm has to do with biology and the competitive nature of reproduction, and the apparent necessity of a more forceful ejaculation overcoming the seed of the previous lover. In any event, I can personally attest to the satisfaction of the male's orgasmic experience (mind-blowing, indeed). 


Of course, you can put all these four stages into a single event — particularly if you are visiting from away and there is not going to be a second date. In that situation, you want to be prepared, and you want to be flexible. Many couples prefer the one-and-done approach. Our favourite couple from Germany were fans of FANTA sex. FANTA stands for Fuck And Never Touch Again. His wife was so beautiful that he felt this was his best option in keeping men from falling in love with his wife! Many couples, however, do prefer some familiarity, and one experience may lead to many more, possibly travelling together and forging a unique friendship. Whatever you want to do is available to you if you can communicate effectively with other couples and work well as a team.

To learn more about the stages of swinging and how to master them, consider taking a course at or get one-on-one coaching from our amazing coaches.